Why I Have a Beard

Then he said that he was over 30-years-old and had to wear a beard in the tradition of his early Jewish forbearers. They said that his Welch and English ancestry was most likely not Jewish and that he would have to get rid of the beard.

He froze his poultices off that winter.

With all that, it's time to tell you why I grow a beard. Here are my reasons:

1.I'm a lazy old men.

2.It keeps my face warm in the winter (especially if I'm indoors).

3.My wife likes it. Other women say that they like it too while shaking their heads.

4.Some men like it except the ones who can not grow a decent beard. These are the local Piute Indians and the Chinese guy down the street that serves the "Ptomaine Special."

5.It proves I can grow hair other than in my ears and my nose.

6.Squirrels have a place to hide their nuts.

Old men never have to trim their beards unless their wife makes them.

My son and I know that beards are important in winter.

He knows better than I do.

In ten-below-weather he is the one out in a dairy corral standing behind the cows. His feet are slipping around on frozen cow manure. His arm is up to the shoulder in a cow in the pregnancy-check position.

In the winter, my son can preg-check a string of 300 cows much faster than in the summer. In the winter the only thing that is warm is the arm he has stuck in the cow.

That's why my son likes a beard in the wintertime.

A few years ago my son was called to a church position that required that he not wear a beard. He showed the local leaders pictures of early important church leaders with beards a foot long. That didn't work. Then he said that he was over 30-years-old and had to wear a beard in the tradition of his early Jewish forbearers. They said that his Welch and English ancestry was most likely not Jewish and that he would have to get rid of the beard.

He froze his poultices off that winter.

With all that, it's time to tell you why I grow a beard. Here are my reasons:

1.I'm a lazy old men.

2.It keeps my face warm in the winter (especially if I'm indoors).

3.My wife likes it. Other women say that they like it too while shaking their heads.

4.Some men like it except the ones who can not grow a decent beard. These are the local Piute Indians and the Chinese guy down the street that serves the "Ptomaine Special."

5.It proves I can grow hair other than in my ears and my nose.

6.Squirrels have a place to hide their nuts.

7.It is a haven for small song birds that eat the crumbs my beard collects when I eat. Last year I counted 17 species of warbler. One was a (rare in these parts) Cerulean Warbler.

8.It gives me something to tug on while I'm having deep thoughts or making grandiose plan.

9.It sops up my drool.